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Monday, February 8, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
My Long-Overdue Update
The last time I posted, Nancy and I were still apart, and I was still fighting to convince her to come back to me.
Our break-up lasted about 5 weeks.
During those long, agonizing weeks, she finally cracked and decided to "try getting back with him" and "see what happens," while I just kept trying to show her how much I loved her. Even while they were "back together," she was holding back, 'cause she'd already been burned by him once, and she wasn't gonna just jump in with both feet and risk it again.
While I was sending her virtual flowers almost daily and trying to be myself with her (and still show her how I felt without breaking down into tears or losing my mind completely), he was reverting to his old self. The things he did before that made her break up with him in the first place were slowly starting to fall back into place; he apparently decided that since he'd "won," he didn't have to try anymore.
Finally, around the beginning of October, she realized just how much she loved me, and that I made her happier than she'd ever been with anyone else (including Aaron), and made the decision to dump him for good and get back with me.
Jump to the end of October.
We'd spent the last few weeks since we got back together get back to normal--how we were before August--and starting to talk about how and when I would move to Maine so we could finally start our life together.
I told her that my mom was wary of her and didn't trust her and was afraid that I'd get back there and then Nancy would do the same thing, and by then I wouldn't have anything to come back to in Indiana, 'cause I'd be giving everything up to move. For all intents and purposes, I'd be screwed.
We decided to show mom and dad that Nancy was serious this time, and wasn't gonna abandon me. We made plans for Nancy to fly to Indiana and stay with me for about a week, then I'd be driving her home to stay.
When I told mom that Nancy was coming to visit, she was excited, but still wary. Naturally, she had a bad reaction when I told her the rest, but she and dad came around and understood that we truly do love each other completely, and we're completely committed to spending the rest of our lives together.
I still had no idea how I was gonna get my stuff to Maine, but mom and dad agreed to help me find a way. Over the next couple of weeks, Nancy got approved for time off from work and finalized her flight plans, while mom and dad and I worked on how to move me and my stuff. We ended up deciding to load everything we could into the back of dad's truck, and he and mom would drive it while Nancy and I followed in my car; whatever we couldn't pack and bring, mom and dad would pack up and store in their garage until I could come back for it.
During the week leading up to November 13th, we all made a mad dash to get my stuff packed into the truck, and we spent two days on the road.
Mom and dad stayed in a hotel on the beach for several days, during which we spent as much time together as possible before they got back on the road and drove home.
I've been back here in Maine with Nancy since November 13, and we've been living together happily ever since. :)
We decided to continue counting our time together from May 24, 2009, because even when we were apart for those 5 weeks, we never really stopped being together.
We plan to get married August 13, 2010, and fully expect to live "happily ever after" for a long time to come.
Our break-up lasted about 5 weeks.
During those long, agonizing weeks, she finally cracked and decided to "try getting back with him" and "see what happens," while I just kept trying to show her how much I loved her. Even while they were "back together," she was holding back, 'cause she'd already been burned by him once, and she wasn't gonna just jump in with both feet and risk it again.
While I was sending her virtual flowers almost daily and trying to be myself with her (and still show her how I felt without breaking down into tears or losing my mind completely), he was reverting to his old self. The things he did before that made her break up with him in the first place were slowly starting to fall back into place; he apparently decided that since he'd "won," he didn't have to try anymore.
Finally, around the beginning of October, she realized just how much she loved me, and that I made her happier than she'd ever been with anyone else (including Aaron), and made the decision to dump him for good and get back with me.
Jump to the end of October.
We'd spent the last few weeks since we got back together get back to normal--how we were before August--and starting to talk about how and when I would move to Maine so we could finally start our life together.
I told her that my mom was wary of her and didn't trust her and was afraid that I'd get back there and then Nancy would do the same thing, and by then I wouldn't have anything to come back to in Indiana, 'cause I'd be giving everything up to move. For all intents and purposes, I'd be screwed.
We decided to show mom and dad that Nancy was serious this time, and wasn't gonna abandon me. We made plans for Nancy to fly to Indiana and stay with me for about a week, then I'd be driving her home to stay.
When I told mom that Nancy was coming to visit, she was excited, but still wary. Naturally, she had a bad reaction when I told her the rest, but she and dad came around and understood that we truly do love each other completely, and we're completely committed to spending the rest of our lives together.
I still had no idea how I was gonna get my stuff to Maine, but mom and dad agreed to help me find a way. Over the next couple of weeks, Nancy got approved for time off from work and finalized her flight plans, while mom and dad and I worked on how to move me and my stuff. We ended up deciding to load everything we could into the back of dad's truck, and he and mom would drive it while Nancy and I followed in my car; whatever we couldn't pack and bring, mom and dad would pack up and store in their garage until I could come back for it.
During the week leading up to November 13th, we all made a mad dash to get my stuff packed into the truck, and we spent two days on the road.
Mom and dad stayed in a hotel on the beach for several days, during which we spent as much time together as possible before they got back on the road and drove home.
I've been back here in Maine with Nancy since November 13, and we've been living together happily ever since. :)
We decided to continue counting our time together from May 24, 2009, because even when we were apart for those 5 weeks, we never really stopped being together.
We plan to get married August 13, 2010, and fully expect to live "happily ever after" for a long time to come.
Friday, September 4, 2009
My Reason For Loving
So, Nancy asked me to tell her why I love her, and as usual, all I could say was, "I don't know."
That's not good enough. It's not like I don't have actual reasons for my feelings; I don't just love her "because she's there," or anything like that. It's . . . complex, to say the least.
On one hand, "I just do." There's no "reason" for it, my heart is simply drawn to her. Since we've been apart, my heart has felt like there's a large piece missing, and there's nothing I can do about it.
On the other hand, there are so many reasons, not all of which I can ever hope to describe or articulate properly.
She makes me smile, just by walking in the room.
She makes me laugh without trying.
She makes me feel good about myself, just by knowing that she loves me and thinks that I'm awesome.
When I feel bad, she makes me feel better just by being near me, even if I sometimes don't show it.
She isn't full of herself. She doesn't think she's better than me, or anyone else. She insists that I'm crazy or blind, 'cause I think she's beautiful and amazing and perfect. But I can tell that it makes her happy when I tell her, even if she pretends to argue with me about it.
She makes me want to be better than I am. She thinks I'm perfect and awesome, and I want to be that for her, and so much more.
She makes me happy and content, and proud to be with her.
She makes me feel things that I've truly never felt for any other woman.
When we talk, or even when we're just sitting quietly, enjoying each others' company, I feel so comfortable and at ease, like we've been together all our lives. With other women, I've always felt nervous or apprehensive; with Nancy, everything just seems to flow naturally, and fall easily into place.
After two decades of false starts and failed attempts at relationships, Nancy makes me feel, finally, complete. She has since we first started seriously talking back in May.
All these things, and so many more that I just don't have the words to explain, are why I love you, Nancy, and why I always will.
That's not good enough. It's not like I don't have actual reasons for my feelings; I don't just love her "because she's there," or anything like that. It's . . . complex, to say the least.
On one hand, "I just do." There's no "reason" for it, my heart is simply drawn to her. Since we've been apart, my heart has felt like there's a large piece missing, and there's nothing I can do about it.
On the other hand, there are so many reasons, not all of which I can ever hope to describe or articulate properly.
She makes me smile, just by walking in the room.
She makes me laugh without trying.
She makes me feel good about myself, just by knowing that she loves me and thinks that I'm awesome.
When I feel bad, she makes me feel better just by being near me, even if I sometimes don't show it.
She isn't full of herself. She doesn't think she's better than me, or anyone else. She insists that I'm crazy or blind, 'cause I think she's beautiful and amazing and perfect. But I can tell that it makes her happy when I tell her, even if she pretends to argue with me about it.
She makes me want to be better than I am. She thinks I'm perfect and awesome, and I want to be that for her, and so much more.
She makes me happy and content, and proud to be with her.
She makes me feel things that I've truly never felt for any other woman.
When we talk, or even when we're just sitting quietly, enjoying each others' company, I feel so comfortable and at ease, like we've been together all our lives. With other women, I've always felt nervous or apprehensive; with Nancy, everything just seems to flow naturally, and fall easily into place.
After two decades of false starts and failed attempts at relationships, Nancy makes me feel, finally, complete. She has since we first started seriously talking back in May.
All these things, and so many more that I just don't have the words to explain, are why I love you, Nancy, and why I always will.
Friday, August 28, 2009
My True Love
Several months ago, I met this cute girl on SingSnap.com, but I was already involved with someone (as was she, more or less), so I didn't think anything of it, beyond "She's pretty, and seems nice."
In April, she broke up with her boyfriend, after some rocky times, but I didn't know that yet. My new girlfriend and I started hitting some rocks of our own around the same time (ex-boyfriend started instant-messaging her, saying he was sorry, wanting to get back together, yada, yada, yada), but I toughed it out while she tried to decide what and who she wanted.
Several weeks of her going back-and-forth ended with her choosing the ex over me, and leaving me crushed and spouting off about how I was done with love and relationships forever.
In stepped the other girl, who knocked me stupid, telling me--seemingly out of nowhere--that she liked me. A lot. Had for awhile, really; almost from the first time she met me in SingSnap's live chat.
Well, color me floored. Like I mentioned above, I'd always thought she was cute, but I'd never thought of her that way. Then, we started chatting more, and talking on the phone, and finding all these umpteen things we already had in common, which was just compounded by the incredible coincidences that just kept happening between us, one after another after another.
The more we talked, the more it seemed like we'd always known each other, and several days later, we decided to take the plunge and start being a couple. May 24, 2009 is now one of the best days of my life, and I will always cherish it.
Two months later, we're still going strong, we haven't had a single fight or even a disagreement that we weren't just playing around. It was damned near perfect in every way--except that she lived in Maine and I'm in Indiana, so while we'd chatted online and talked endlessly on the phone, and even had video chats, we still hadn't actually met face-to-face.
So, we started making plans for me to drive up there and spend three or four weeks with her, so we could be sure we were compatible and weren't going to end up killing each other. (Meanwhile, the "coincidences" and commonalities between us kept piling up. :P)
During this time, her ex had seen on SingSnap that she had a new boyfriend, and he'd started instant-messaging her occasionally, saying how sorry he was for the behavior that had led to her breaking up with him, and that he loved and missed her, but I didn't think much of it, because we seemed to be very happy, and doing very well together.
The first week went great (I thought)! Sure there were a few rough moments, as in any new relationship--feeling each other out, learning about each others' habits, adjusting to sleeping in the same bed with someone else for the first time in a long time. The usual stuff.
The next week, I spent a few days out of commission, having apparently picked up some allergies to my new surroundings in Southern Maine. Okay, no big deal, she took care of me and nursed me back to health, just like I'd have done for her. We were still doing well (as far as I could tell), being lovey-dovey, snuggling on the couch and watching TV.
The third week, things were different. Me, being my typical oblivious self, didn't really notice it at first . . . she still told me she loved me and everything, but she wasn't quite herself. I chalked it up to being tired from the retarded schedule they'd had her on at work, as well as having to deal with the Department Manager From Hell since she started the job in July, so it didn't sink in.
By the end of the week, I could sense that something was wrong, but I didn't know what or just HOW wrong. Last Saturday, after I brought her home from work, she sat me down on the couch and started explaining to me that she'd spent the past week doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching and basically trying to break up with me without breaking my heart.
Turns out, her ex was not only sorry for how he'd acted and going on about loving her and missing her . . . he hoped they might be able to try again (yes, despite knowing that she was already with someone new).
To make matters worse, she realized that she still has unresolved feelings for him, and she was breaking up with me because she believes it's not fair to me if she stays with me, but she's always got that "what if..." in the back of her mind and can only give me part of her heart. She says that I deserve better than that.
So I pleaded with her. I cried. I begged her not to do this to us. I said everything I could think of, while my panicky mind reeled.
In the end, I left to drive home very early Sunday morning, because I decided that if I stayed, it would just be awkward and painful for both of us.
Now, I've had a few days to deal with it, and I'm not wracked with pain or crying every few minutes, but I can't give up on us, either.
She's explained to me that she can't move on yet, because of their past together, and because she believes she still loves him. She needs some kind of closure. She needs to get herself together and figure out what/who she really wants. So, she's not with either of us at the moment, and she can't say "yes" or "no" to whether there's still a chance for me and her, which gives me a ray of hope in all this.
That doesn't mean that I'm not still scared. Yeah, there's still hope, but there's the same chance that she'll decide to go back to him.
I'm so afraid I'm gonna lose her.
She's all I've ever wanted in my life. I feel like she's my soulmate, and I've never been so sure of anything, ever. (All those coincidences and things-in-common have GOT to mean something, right?) She's my first thought when I wake up, and she's my last thought when I go to bed (which is making it difficult to fall asleep, but what can I do?).
I would happily give up everything I have and start over from scratch, just to be with her. I look around at all my stuff, and it all just seems completely meaningless to me now. She's all I want in the world. Today, tomorrow, forever.
I know she doesn't want me to constantly remind her how much I love her, and I sure as hell don't want to drive her away, but I can't seem to help it. I want her in my life. Hell, I NEED her. She's my world. She is, absolutely, my everything.
She's asked me what I'll do if she and her ex get back together, and I told her: I'll wait for her. As long as it takes. If that's forever, then that's how long I'll wait.
Because she is worth that, and so very much more.
I love you, Nancy, now and forever.
In April, she broke up with her boyfriend, after some rocky times, but I didn't know that yet. My new girlfriend and I started hitting some rocks of our own around the same time (ex-boyfriend started instant-messaging her, saying he was sorry, wanting to get back together, yada, yada, yada), but I toughed it out while she tried to decide what and who she wanted.
Several weeks of her going back-and-forth ended with her choosing the ex over me, and leaving me crushed and spouting off about how I was done with love and relationships forever.
In stepped the other girl, who knocked me stupid, telling me--seemingly out of nowhere--that she liked me. A lot. Had for awhile, really; almost from the first time she met me in SingSnap's live chat.
Well, color me floored. Like I mentioned above, I'd always thought she was cute, but I'd never thought of her that way. Then, we started chatting more, and talking on the phone, and finding all these umpteen things we already had in common, which was just compounded by the incredible coincidences that just kept happening between us, one after another after another.
The more we talked, the more it seemed like we'd always known each other, and several days later, we decided to take the plunge and start being a couple. May 24, 2009 is now one of the best days of my life, and I will always cherish it.
Two months later, we're still going strong, we haven't had a single fight or even a disagreement that we weren't just playing around. It was damned near perfect in every way--except that she lived in Maine and I'm in Indiana, so while we'd chatted online and talked endlessly on the phone, and even had video chats, we still hadn't actually met face-to-face.
So, we started making plans for me to drive up there and spend three or four weeks with her, so we could be sure we were compatible and weren't going to end up killing each other. (Meanwhile, the "coincidences" and commonalities between us kept piling up. :P)
During this time, her ex had seen on SingSnap that she had a new boyfriend, and he'd started instant-messaging her occasionally, saying how sorry he was for the behavior that had led to her breaking up with him, and that he loved and missed her, but I didn't think much of it, because we seemed to be very happy, and doing very well together.
The first week went great (I thought)! Sure there were a few rough moments, as in any new relationship--feeling each other out, learning about each others' habits, adjusting to sleeping in the same bed with someone else for the first time in a long time. The usual stuff.
The next week, I spent a few days out of commission, having apparently picked up some allergies to my new surroundings in Southern Maine. Okay, no big deal, she took care of me and nursed me back to health, just like I'd have done for her. We were still doing well (as far as I could tell), being lovey-dovey, snuggling on the couch and watching TV.
The third week, things were different. Me, being my typical oblivious self, didn't really notice it at first . . . she still told me she loved me and everything, but she wasn't quite herself. I chalked it up to being tired from the retarded schedule they'd had her on at work, as well as having to deal with the Department Manager From Hell since she started the job in July, so it didn't sink in.
By the end of the week, I could sense that something was wrong, but I didn't know what or just HOW wrong. Last Saturday, after I brought her home from work, she sat me down on the couch and started explaining to me that she'd spent the past week doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching and basically trying to break up with me without breaking my heart.
Turns out, her ex was not only sorry for how he'd acted and going on about loving her and missing her . . . he hoped they might be able to try again (yes, despite knowing that she was already with someone new).
To make matters worse, she realized that she still has unresolved feelings for him, and she was breaking up with me because she believes it's not fair to me if she stays with me, but she's always got that "what if..." in the back of her mind and can only give me part of her heart. She says that I deserve better than that.
So I pleaded with her. I cried. I begged her not to do this to us. I said everything I could think of, while my panicky mind reeled.
In the end, I left to drive home very early Sunday morning, because I decided that if I stayed, it would just be awkward and painful for both of us.
Now, I've had a few days to deal with it, and I'm not wracked with pain or crying every few minutes, but I can't give up on us, either.
She's explained to me that she can't move on yet, because of their past together, and because she believes she still loves him. She needs some kind of closure. She needs to get herself together and figure out what/who she really wants. So, she's not with either of us at the moment, and she can't say "yes" or "no" to whether there's still a chance for me and her, which gives me a ray of hope in all this.
That doesn't mean that I'm not still scared. Yeah, there's still hope, but there's the same chance that she'll decide to go back to him.
I'm so afraid I'm gonna lose her.
She's all I've ever wanted in my life. I feel like she's my soulmate, and I've never been so sure of anything, ever. (All those coincidences and things-in-common have GOT to mean something, right?) She's my first thought when I wake up, and she's my last thought when I go to bed (which is making it difficult to fall asleep, but what can I do?).
I would happily give up everything I have and start over from scratch, just to be with her. I look around at all my stuff, and it all just seems completely meaningless to me now. She's all I want in the world. Today, tomorrow, forever.
I know she doesn't want me to constantly remind her how much I love her, and I sure as hell don't want to drive her away, but I can't seem to help it. I want her in my life. Hell, I NEED her. She's my world. She is, absolutely, my everything.
She's asked me what I'll do if she and her ex get back together, and I told her: I'll wait for her. As long as it takes. If that's forever, then that's how long I'll wait.
Because she is worth that, and so very much more.
I love you, Nancy, now and forever.
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